You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
