nut hugger
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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