everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
