Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
