I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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