I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Panties = found
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
