Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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