remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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