Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
