I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
