and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My pussy is not your playground.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
