Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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