so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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