why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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