if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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