I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
