actually, I'm a sock model
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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