Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
