Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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