More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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