I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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