and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I still have a little drunk in my system
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
