He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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