Is it because I queefed?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
