Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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