I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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