so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
