Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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