a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
