I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
