It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
