i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
