I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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