I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
