Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
