WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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