I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
