Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
