Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
