I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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