Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
