when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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