I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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