Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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