Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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