Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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