I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
