did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
