There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
