Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
