So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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