can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
