im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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