They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
