My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
